vendredi 18 décembre 2009

Eternal Sunshine of the...

What are your memories worth if you are the only one to have them? Often my sister and I bicker about remembrances, and I know how grateful I am to have her as a sounding board. Did this really happen or was it an illusion? We'll replay some of the funniest or worst times of our childhood, and we'll giggle or shudder in unison.

What is your past relationship worth if you are the only one to remember it?

My biggest fear, strangely enough, when X and I were together, was that he would forget everything. Because he does. He can't remember names or faces, or events or anything. I would cuddle against him at night and wonder if he would remember how nice the meal had been, or how much we had laughed during the concert of A Hundred Gypsy Violins. And then I would realize that of course he would not.

In a way my fears have been realized. Sometimes I'll ask him "Do you remember that weird time we had..." and he'll shake his head. I suspect he'll only remember the bad times. Or maybe not even. He'll ultimately remember that we were together at one point, and not much beyond.

I am very good friends with my first ex, we've known each other since we were 16. The friendship we've built goes beyond what we shared as a couple, but it's so very comforting to know that when I make a joke about the time we went wine-tasting around Alsace and got hopelessly lost and rather drunk, he'll know what I'm talking about and smile.

With X, I know our friendship will be completely different if we remain friends. I don't mind that two years of my life have been erased from his memory, because I never expected him to remember anyway, and I've had time to grow accustomed to the idea that I will only have my side of the story.

I guess I'm forgettable, but at least I get custody of all the great memories.

2 commentaires:

  1. I find it difficult to believe that you would ever be considered "forgettable". Regardless, you DO have custody of the great memories. I've got quite a few of them myself.

    Well, not with you, but you know what I mean!

  2. Good luck to you, keep on believing in life.

    Hundred Gypsy Violins.