Playing it casual

"Can I bring a teapot next time I come? I really need tea in the morning."
He laughs at me.
"Why don't we take this slowly? Bring a saucer.I don't want you to think that we're going out or anything. Don't get too involved, Sara."

We joke about it but I am super nervous. I've never played it casual before.

I've always fallen in love before becoming someone's girlfriend.

I've never had a one-night stand. I'm a serial monogamist!

This guy is so relaxed about everything. I tell him what the situation is at the moment, not looking for anything serious, not wanting a "relationship", all that jazz. He just takes it all calmly and tells me to take things one day at a time.

"Just tell me when you feel uncomfortable and we can scale things down."

Which is terrific advice and I know I shouldn't overthink this. Yet...
I'm terrified of getting back into the mess I've just extricated myself from; the passionate love story that ends with someone feeling that I'm too complicated and difficult to deal with. I need some time outfrom all the compromises, and talks that come with coupledom. Where is this going? Am I giving enough? Am I taking enough? No more for some time, please.

I was at his place. He was cooking for me, as we chatted about this and that. I looked up at him shyly, hoping this is the right way of saying it, the right time, the right thing to do.

"Sorry I didn't answer yesterday. I was feeling very depressed and I tend to crawl into a hole."
"Do you get depressed often?"

Deep breath.

"Hmm. I do actually."
"Well, next time I call and you're not feeling so good, why don't you tell me what I can do to help? Maybe talking to someone would make it easier."

And there it is. That moment. The moment when I wonder. Now he's nice about it, but who's to tell when it will irremediably put him off? And anyway, where is this going? Am I casual enough? I don't want a therapist. I want a friend with benefits! Shut up head.

I'm not convinced I'm good at this casual game.