Me, myself and I

Still feeling trembling and weird this morning. Nervousness. Fingers not doing what I command them to do.
I dreamt that X was no longer with his new girl and that he told me that he realized how depressed and lost he felt. His work was going better and he was bent on understanding himself better.
Wishful dreaming. Instead of hoping that X will become more self-assured, and discover his true path so he can stop pretending to himself, I will strive to hope only for myself. I love him, but this must stop.
Waking up without seeing him, without smiling up at him, was heart-breaking.
Oh well, I'm getting used to this feeling.