Catharsis

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go
I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause I'm Mr Brightside

Shopping for cereal in Parisian supermarket with my father. I'm ok. Haven't cried for a while. Thinking about work and practical things. Then I see the underwear section and it starts.

I see her, in her underwear, smiling at him while he says "Spread'em".
I see him fucking her.
I see them having small talk.
And I leave the supermarket, and I retch, can't be sick, haven't eaten yet...I hear all the things he's said about her, about them, all the times he was with her when I was so unhappy, dying of loneliness while trying to keep it together for the agregation...I wonder time and time again, while jerking with the violence of my reaction, how he could do this, how, how, how.
I retch in a corner, until I am empty of her, until I can breathe, until my brain is submerged by something else.
My body, so filled with longing, is once more dumb and hostile to me. I drag it back to the cereal aisle.
I want to be a Killer sometimes.