I want it back

My life, that is.
I want my appetite back. I want my laughter back. I want everything that made me happy back. I can't believe how distraught I am by my breakup. I know we are done, I am not in denial, so why am I not moving on in my head?
I need help here. My friends are busy, my family is nice but I have bugged them enough. How can I go on with my oral exams in 5 days???

Breathe.

My grandmother is dying. She is old, so her cancer could kill her slowly, or fast. She was telling me how each day is precious. I should live like that.

I don't need X to live, but our love gave me so much strength, so much confidence in the world. His cleverness lit up my world. His smile made me melt with desire and trust. He pushed me harder than anyone...and hugged me longer than anyone.

I'm tired of all this pain. I want to heal, but I'm still in love, still miserable, still lost.
Is it normal to be this sad?

Irony

My current situation reminds me a lot of what the lovely Britni was saying on her blog a few weeks ago. I give advice I find difficult to follow to my sister, who is also going through a rough time with her ex-girlfriend. The ex is with another girl, yet keeps texting and calling J to tell her how much she means to her, etc. I tell J to cut her off, stop answering her calls.

Wish I found it easy myself.

My ex is not a piece of crap like my poor sister's former girl. He is a lovely man in so many ways, which is probably why I'm still hurting so much almost a month afterwards. But once I get to move out of this town, I will not talk to him. I need to move on, forget his horrid new girlfriend, and be a happy single girl. All this will happen. I know it will. When I follow my own advice.