Fire over Dillenburg!

A tale of two cities.





Look who's in Dillenburg, looking refreshed and not at all under the weather? 'Tis I,by Jove.


So I went, I saw and I conquered.
Yeah, my train was late, I was exhausted, but it was still pretty funny. I went back to my workcamp site from this summer to see the musical the town wrote, composed and staged: Feuer über Dillenburg.
Yup, it rocked.

They did an amazing job, working their arsches off for three years and rehearsing into madness; no one was a professional, the orchestra was the regional youth formation, the actors were local talents etc.
I was super proud and moved.
My friend Tosca (who's 14 BTW) was a dancer. I took a picture of her with Armin, who played the French bad guy.
Armin, Tosca und Annie. Is that a Napoleon look-a-like or have I stumbled into a wax museum?
Also Tosca danced as an evil gypsy, while looking like a German milkmaid.

Then I went to the afterparty. Ach du meine Güte. It was wild! So imagine a bunch of drunk German teenagers in a gym gyrating to Britney and David Guetta. Yup.
Here we have the before...Look at those innocent miens, and one of them teenagers is wearing a suit. I mean, really?
That tie would soon end up being used as a harness.
Unfortunately, I was too busy getting deaf next to the boom box to take a pic.
Then it got OUT OF CONTROL.








Look at the debauchery. Dancing and drinking.























One guy pictured here took a mad fancy to me and got some good lines. (He was seventeen).
My favourite: "My braces are being removed next week, let's celebrate by kissing."
How sweet. He did invite me for a slow dance, which was a first. He was much taller than me, and he stroked my hair and told me I was the prettiest girl in the room. Also that it was wonderful to meet a girl who had good conversational skills. Then he gazed at me romantically and asked me if I wanted apple juice or to be kissed. SMOOTH. I chose Apferschorle. Underage men are fun, but juice is wonderful.

After narrowly avoiding being mauled by the jailbait in the room, Tosca and I went to bed at five in the morning. Shocking.
We had coffee next day with Tobias and his girlfriend, both were super friendly and nice. Tobias taught me how to drive this summer.























Tobias, GF and Tosca





Neun und Neunzig Luftballoons of WIN. Bikers!

Then I went home. Oh Dillenburg, you are endlessly surreal.

Celebration

More than two years ago, I tried to kill myself.
I had absolutely no will to live.
I can't explain this feeling to anyone who hasn't been very depressed-numbness is the best word, although a numbness so steeped in self-hatred that it cannot truly leave you numb, only stunned.

Fast-forward two years later.

I have stood by my father as he fought for his life.
I have successfully fought my bulimia.
I have managed to fall in love and give my trust to another human being.
I have made huge progress in truthfulness.

I may be dumped. My ex may not want me anymore, may not fantasize about me anymore, hold me lovingly anymore. He may even hate me at times, he may fuck others, care for others, forget about me while I still yearn.

But I want to celebrate my pleasure in life. I enjoy living. Even this, this pain, is delightful in its intensity. I am alive. Yeah, I might still have low points and not be the funnest girl on the block, but this is so nigglingly inconsequential, so absurdly irrelevant to me, that I won't even consider it.

Live your life, love your life and reach out to others. Happy Friday.

healing

Starting to heal...Starting to enjoy spinach leaves dipped in lentils, to smile at children in the street, to enjoy tennis, to feel guilty about not working, to look forward to shopping for sunglasses because summer is approaching...
I know the pain will come back but for now I can bask in this feeling of happiness and enjoy it for what it is worth:
everything.
Yelena sent me an email and Maruska had lunch with me and I feel surrounded and loved.
Thanks people.